The Conflict between Parents and Children

Parents usually contend with a problem that occurs when children want to make a decision about their lives. Most parents assume that children are not capable of making the right decisions because these parents believe that they have enough life experience to help them to make better choices for their children. 
Conversely, children have a conflict between the loyalty they have for their parents and the loyalty they have to themselves when they need to make a decision. One example of this is Zenkei Shibayama’s article, “Sen-jo and Her Soul Are Separated”. He clearly illustrates the conflict between a father, named Chokan, and a daughter, Sen-jo. She was in love with her cousin, Ochu. Nevertheless, when she was told by her father to marry with another man, she got depressed. Because of having too much love for Ochu, her soul was separated from her body, and she had lived without talking for many years. She had no choice such as disobeying her father and leaving the country with her lover at that time since girls were supposed to obey their fathers’ decisions. On the other hand, nowadays most children want to be independent when they become an adult. Becoming an adult gives them confidence that makes them feel like they know everything. I have an experience about how making a decision can create conflict between parents and children. 

After graduating from the university, I found a job through my sister. Even though the job did not meet my expectations, I had no choice. I could not refuse this job because finding a job in Turkey was very challenging at that time. This offer also seemed to be a very good opportunity by my parents. They encouraged me to get this job because they believed that accepting the job was the right decision. When parents and children have the same ideas, everything is fine, and there was no conflict between my parents and me. However, if parents and children do not agree on a subject, the conflict starts from there. For example, three years ago, I wanted to change my job so that I would be happy. I realized that I needed to do what I was interested in. For this reason, I told my parents that I was going to try to become a real estate agent. I did not have enough money to start my own business, but my uncle told me that he would be my sponsor. It was very encouraging for me. He also told me that I could stay with him without paying rent until I established my business and made money. I expected the same thing from my parents. I just wanted them to give me a hand in order to achieve my goal. However, my parents thought that it was not a good idea to leave a job that had a regular salary. In addition, they did not want me to move to another city, Istanbul. I went into a big depression. I did not want to talk to my parents, and I became separated from myself. My attitude was totally changed because I was angry with my parents. Eventually, I made a bold decision and moved to Istanbul. My mother always warned me that I would not be successful since I went against my parents’ decision. After moving to Istanbul, I settled in my uncle’s apartment. In about a week, I began to feel lonely even though I would love to be with my relatives, and started to rethink about my own decision whether it was good or not. With those feelings, I started by looking for a place to rent for my own business. Finally, after a month I found the place with an affordable price. Before I went to the place, accidently I had broken my right knee. When this accident occurred, my parents had evidence to prove that their decision was right; I could not start my own business. 

After all I was regretful because of disobeying my parents. I should have listened to them. Most people think that what parents say is right because they have more experience in their lives. Indeed, this is true. For this reason, children should follow parents’ footsteps.